February 3, 1954 – March 8, 1993 |
There are so many things that I could say about my brother, Tom, to mark the 20th anniversary of his tragic death at the hands of a drunken driver. He was a brother, a father, a husband, a friend, a co-worker, and the undisputed leader of the family. He had a tremendous intellect, a winning smile, and was respected and loved by all that knew him. But you all know that. What many of you might not know (or might not clearly remember) is that Tom was, in my opinion, the best athlete in the family. I know my sisters, Annie and Chris, might dispute this claim based on their participation in multiple varsity sports at Our Lady of Lourdes High School, but I’m sticking with Tom. Here’s why:
Speed:
My memory is a bit hazy on this point, but I seem to recall that Tom
was on the high school track team for a year or two. He
couldn’t run for distance to save his life, but he had excellent
100-yard dash speed. I don't believe he ever clocked under 10 seconds,
but he was damn fast. No way Dad could ever have caught him!
Agility:
Tom was the only family member with less flexibility than me, but he
had very quick reflexes, great agility, and extraordinary hand-eye
coordination. He and I played an unofficial “game” over the years where
I’d throw something at him just as he was turning around – a spoon, a
ball, an empty cup – whatever was handy. More often than not, Tom would
catch whatever I threw without even thinking about it. To this day,
whenever I drop something but manage to reach down and catch it before
it hits the ground, I think of Tom.
Overall Body Strength: Inspired by his cousin, Steve Lucas, Tom started lifting weights at a fairly early age, possibly as early as 8th grade and definitely by the time he was a freshman in high school. Showing an early astuteness for Finance, he somehow got me to contribute to the purchase of a Joe Weider Weightlifting Set consisting of a bench, a barbell, a couple of dumbbells, and 110 pounds of weights. Lord knows why I contributed to this scam ... I hadn’t even hit puberty yet! I rarely used it. Tom did though, and rapidly outgrew it. A couple of years later he was lifting at the Poughkeepsie YMCA and, eventually, at AllSport, a nearby fitness facility. For about 4 or 5 years, Tom was a dedicated bodybuilder, reading magazines like "Muscle & Fitness" and "Iron Man", and drinking “power shakes” laced with Crash Weight protein powder. He ended up with a strong, chiseled body which he used to great advantage in all of the sports that he played.
Baseball: In Little League, your best and most athletic players are pitchers, catchers, or first basemen. Your worst players are right fielders. That's just the way it is. Tom and I both played in Little League for a team called Western Printing. The coach (Sam Forman) took one look at Tom and made him a pitcher. I was told to grab my mitt and head out to right field. For the first year or so, Tom was a great pitcher. He could throw the ball with decent speed and was very accurate. He hardly walked anyone. And that was great, until the kids started getting a little bit bigger and a little bit better. And so, on one sunny day at Spratt Park in Poughkeepsie, it became clear that Tom's pitching days were at an end. He threw one of his trademark belt-high, plate-splitting fastballs to Scottie Coleman, who promptly hit it over the fence and across Wilbur Boulevard, pound for pound the longest home run I have ever seen. Tom's career didn't end that day, but I don't remember him playing baseball again after Little League.
Football: Tom’s athletic skills were best showcased on the football field as a running back. In grade school he played halfback for the Cardinals, a team in the Poughkeepsie Pop Warner Football League. I don’t remember Tom's statistics, but I do remember that his picture and name were in the Poughkeepsie Journal sports section almost every week! He ended up winning the league’s Most Valuable Player when he was in 8th grade. When I came along a year later, the coaches of the Cardinals chose me to play for their team. I think they expected Tom's brother to have the same level of athleticism that he did. Sorry guys ... at 4’10” and 90 pounds, I was no Tom Mullen! Tom continued to excel in football at the high school level. By this time, he was 5’11” and close to 200 pounds of muscle, so he was moved to fullback. Lourdes won the Dutchess County Scholastic League championship his senior year, and Tom had a very good season as the starting fullback. Tom was proud of both his team and his own abilities. During that senior season, I remember him telling me, half joking, but half serious as well, “Nobody stops me inside the 5!” That remark would come back to haunt him in the Sectional playoffs that year when they lost a very close game to an undefeated team from Yorktown. Near the end of the game, Tom was stopped at the goal line on a 4th down run up the middle . Years later, when the two of us were having a few beers together, I casually worked his quote and that play into the conversation. We had a good laugh.
After high school, I seem to recall Tom thinking about playing on the Marist College club football team but hurting his knee before the school year actually began. There’s no record of Tom being on the Marist roster back then and no one else in the family recalls Tom spending even part of a semester at Marist, so I could be wrong. At any rate, other than the occasional Turkey Bowl on Thanksgiving, Tom never played organized football of any kind after high school.
Basketball: Tom was not a natural basketball player. His primary sport was football, so he had to bulk himself up so that he could absorb the pounding that his body would be taking. By doing this, though, he turned himself into what would now be called a small “power forward”. He wasn’t a great ball handler and we laughed about his inability to make a driving layup, but he had a deadly medium range jump shot. Even more important, he was a force underneath. He rebounded extremely well and enjoyed nothing better than tipping in a teammate’s missed shot. To this day, whenever I manage to get a tip-in, I think of Tom. Tom probably would have started on the high school varsity basketball team when I was a senior, but he had no chance of even playing on the team when he was a senior. His class had one of the best basketball teams in Lourdes history. Instead, Tom played in the CYO and Church basketball leagues. One of the best decisions I ever made in my life was to play with him on those teams during my Junior year rather than play on the high school team. It was the most fun I’ve ever had playing basketball to this day. Tom was our team leader that year – scoring, rebounding, setting picks, and doing whatever was necessary to win. Surprisingly, though, my clearest memory of Tom that year involves a game that we lost. In the Church League championship game, we found ourselves down by two points with only seconds to play. I was at the line shooting a foul shot and was instructed by the coach to intentionally miss so that we could try and tie the game on the rebound. I did my part (I was good at missing foul shots) and, after a scramble, the ball bounced right to Gabe Welch (a teammate) about two feet from the basket. Somehow, Gabe missed the shot and we lost. While the other team ran off the floor hooting and hollering, Gabe just stood there with his head down, the picture of abject despair. I felt bad for Gabe but had no idea what to say to him. Tom did. Well aware of Gabe’s penchant for theatrics, he walked by him and casually muttered, “Cut the crap, Gabe”. Gabe looked up with a big smile and said, “OK!”
Tom and I played basketball together all the time at the Poughkeepsie YMCA and had a very high winning percentage against the “hatchet men” as we called them. We made a good team. I took care of the dribbling and the outside game, and Tom handled everything underneath. And we were both fast! I only wish I could remember more details about those games.
Tom remained in good shape throughout college. He and I would lift or play basketball together whenever we could during the summer months. In the mid-80’s though, he cut back on his exercising and became stiffer and stiffer. After a while, it seemed like he pulled a muscle whenever we tried to play basketball. He finally stopped playing basketball altogether in his early thirties. However, a few weeks before his death, Tom told me that he was going to embark on one of his famous “Programs”. He was going to concentrate on nothing but stretching and flexibility. “You watch … I’m going to become a rubber man!” I believed him. He was 39 and I was 37, and I couldn't wait to play basketball with him again.
Thanks Paul they are some great memories! I remember Tom having such tight hamstrings that he could not touch his toe and -I his little sister(but really not so little) could put my palms on the floor. I think that drove him crazy!
ReplyDeleteI also remember when he help me move in to my 1st house. - the previous owners were careless and dropped pennies all over the house. They never bothered to pick them up. When we were moving in Tom stopped and picked up every penny he saw and said "what are you too rich to pick up a penny?" So now every tome I see a penny I stop pick up the penny and say(usually out loud) "I hear you TOM"!
Great Blog, Paul. I really enjoyed reading this! I did not know Tommy was a Baseball Pitcher or ever played on an organized baseball team! But I do remember going to your CYO basketball games and watching you both play - I seem to remember them always being exciting games and the two of you dominated the team.
ReplyDeleteI did not know Tommy was that fast of a sprinter - I just knew he was faster than dad!
I loved reading about your "unofficial agility game" I actually do remember you doing that to him so reading it made me laugh!
I had forgotten about him always pulling his muscles, but do remember him always starting a new "Program" to get back in shape.
Being 8 years younger than Tommy made for a different relationship with him than the one you had. He was always my big brother and I was "Little Mary Mullen". I remember him conning me into massaging his back for HOURS and he would pay me a nickle or a dime! He was my partner for doing the dishes after dinner and to this day when washing dishes, I have to organize the dirty dishes "just so" in the sink (drives my husband Tom crazy!). I remember his classic answer to Dad when asked where he was going: "OUT!". Another classic line of his was "No Hot Liquids in this Body". He would not do well in China as they serve hot water at meals (they think cold water is unhealthy).
Thanks for posting this blog and for keeping the memory of Tommy alive!
I'll admit I don't normally read the blog, but felt compelled due to the fact it has actually been twenty years!! I feel privileged to have known him and have genuine memories of the man, the husband, the father, the uncle, and above all the friend he seemed to be to all. I especially want to thank uncle Paul for taking the time to recollect on brotherly memories and the athletic myths that might not have ever been told otherwise. These were new to my ears and I laugh to myself finally understanding the competitive drive that makes up the Mullen family. I do think of him often and wonder to myself if he would approve of the man and husband I have become. I am not worried about being a good uncle for I have some of the best examples constantly supporting me in all of my outrageous thoughts and aspirations. I extend my deepest sympathies to the entire family and those who might read this blog who knew Tom. I leave on this note... shortly after his tragic death I drew a picture of uncle tom and aunt janet. I chose a picture that was the youngest, happiest time of them together I could possible find. I poured my heart into it for weeks. It is still my most treasured and successful attempts at art I have ever accomplished. This is no coincidence. I feel privileged to be in the photo that seems to be associated with his memory.
ReplyDeleteThanks Uncle Paul for sharing your stories about my dad. Since I didn't really have too long to make any memories of him of my own I know I cherish all of your stories and memories of the man that he was. Stories and memories certainly help me feel like I remember him but it's always so much harder because it makes me realize even more of what an amazing father I had but never was really able to get to know. So thank you for sharing yours with me and all of us!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Paul, for all of the time you took to put your reminiscences regarding Tom down in the Blog. I, too, remember his inability to touch his toes...And, his "November Program", when he swore off all alcohol for a month & vowed to seriously get back in shape! (This wasn't hard for him because he was usually in great shape!) Tom's comment to Dad's question, "Why, I'm going OUT", was indeed a classic. Yes, I might be the oldest sibling in the family, but Tom took the burden of being the most responsible one off my shoulders, which I did appreciate. And, I do recall going to early morning Mass at St. Mary's in Wappingers & afterwards eating our breakfast -- Tom, Chris & I. The priest came around & asked Tom what he was eating: "A Egg" (hard-boiled, of course). Chris & I thought that was hilarious! I also remember Tom's comment about pennies, & like Karen I will pick them up, knowing Tom sees me doing it. I'm glad Glen got to know, Tom. We went to him for financial advice before we bought our first home. With his MBA from Cornell, he was quite the wizard in math. Another memory I cherish is the weekend Glen & I spent with he & Janet in Syracuse. We went to a Syracuse football game, had a picnic outside before hand. Once inside the stadium, Tom bought me a beer & we had great time at the game. Once home, Janet made us a delicious dinner. Afterwards, Glen & Tom shared some Armagnac (sp?)
ReplyDeleteGlen & I often talk of that day. Glen & I put out a memorial candle yesterday, said a prayer for him & toasted him. By coincidence, March 8th is also the date that Glen's Grandpa Jack passed, 6 years prior to Tom. Two giants of men with hearts of gold...
Lovely tribute
ReplyDeleteBelow are a few comments to this post that I received from various members of the family.
ReplyDeleteFrom Pete Sankowich, my Son-in Law:
While I never had the honor and privilege to meet your brother I can see how he touched everyone's lives by the stories I've heard. Sara still talks about him and the memories she has, so I know he will always be remembered in our home. I've told Sara that I have made it my duty to keep those who are impaired off the roads so that I can hopefully spare a family the heartache of losing a loved one. My thoughts are with you and your family on this day of remembrance.
From Pat Mullen Sears, my Aunt:
Thanks for telling us about the blog entry It has been my experience that the gaping hole never fully heals. The person who is no longer with us in this world can never be replaced. We learn to live without them. For me this time of year always brings memories of the eight of us who lived at 431 West Godfrey Avenue so long ago. I will always miss each one of them, each one in a special way.
March 6 was the 21st birthday of Brendan & Dennis. April 11 Dennis left this earth. Yesterday was Riley's 18th birthday and the day Tommy took his last breath. Birth, life, death, mysteries we have to accept. Someday we will understand.
It is memories that keep our loved ones alive within us and to those who come after us. We are truly wealthy in the love of those we love and who love us. I am grateful you are a part of the love I have experienced. Love always & thanks for your help in keeping our memories alive.
When you were born my mother, took care of Tommy. He was a delightful toddler and she loved having him with her. Those two weeks or so created a special bond she had with him. When he took a year off from college and lived in Florida with your mother's aunt, Mom was very concerned that he would not return to school and greatly relieved when he did go back.
The time he spent in Florida with your mother's aunt & her husband must have been special for them too. They had no children of their own and Tom's being with them must have been a treat for them. I think their names were Dan & Mary Hardy.
My Dad knew Dan & his brother Tom when they were all young men. I was told the Hardy brothers were bootleggers during the depression and wanted my Dad to join them. Since he already had a wife and several children he refused although he sure could have used the extra money! They lost contact through the years. When your parents began dating Dad enjoyed meeting Dan again. By this time he was married to your mother's aunt. They eventually bought a large single home down the street from Aunt Mary and Uncle Nick. Family connections go on and on!
From Colleen Kada, my Cousin:
I remember very little of the trip to Willow Grove from childhood. What I do remember was that you and Tom were "together"as the big boys. As an adult I remember his kindness. I will always picture him with his beautiful Janet as a young couple taking the time to talk to us.
From Fletcher (Andy) Andrews, Tom's best friend
ReplyDeleteHi Paul, Karen sent me the link on Facebook and I read it yesterday. As I told her, it brought back many memories and I still have that picture on my dresser. I know for a fact he didn't play any football for Marist. I was living there at the time and hung out with him a lot. Lets just say he was in better "Franks" shape than football shape at that time. We did play a lot of Sunday football at Kreiger (sp ?) school with my brother in law, Paul Sullivan, and his gang. We were the MUCH younger players of the bunch, always teammates, and always seemed to call plays to go deep on those fossils. We were like kids in a candy store. I remember once he threw one long I made a pretty good catch on for a score, he ran the length of the field whooping and laughing and tackled me in excitement. You mentioned the Turkey Bowl. Those we played the Friday after Thanksgiving and those games were always tackle football, no pads. Anyway, nice job on the blog. I loved it.